Chicago Chop House - Miss Chicago Steakhouse for October

Holy shit. 

This is number 11 in the quest for attending 13 Chicago steakhouses this year (and December 2010).  That's a lot of steak.  Now that I'm hitting the home stretch, I can't tell you what a pleasure this has been. 

Previously, we have (cheap hits for this blog coming if you click these links!) visited Joe's, Keefer's, Gibsons, Morton's, Primehouse, Rosebud, N9NE, Fogo de Chao, Benny's and Chicago Cut.  Every one of those (with the exception of Fogo - which makes up for "quality" with quantity) serves USDA Prime steak, and 8 of those 10 are locally based.  This month, we visited another local joint, Chicago Chop House.

This is a bad "artsy" shot I took of the restaurant. 

Located on Ontario, right in the heart of a VERY tourist-y part of town (Ed Debevic's, the Rock and Roll McDonald's, Hard Rock Cafe, Gino's East, Al's Beef and Excalibur can all be seen from the front door), Chicago Chop House is a one of a kind place, built into an old brownstone building.  Go do some research on Chicago architecture if you don't know what that means.  Basically what it means is that Amy and I were sitting in someone's old parlor during dinner.  The place no longer resembles a residence, obviously, but the outline of the room cannot disguise that this was once a home.  Or several homes, as the case probably was.

Getting ahead.  Click the links.  They're funny.  Mostly.  Well, they are to me.  I'm also linking to a Safe For Work picture of an adult film star to bump up the hits to this site.  Hee hee.
 

So, this past Saturday night, Amy and I went out to the Chicago Chop House.  It happened to coincide with the anniversary of our nuptials (THAT'S a wordy way to say something!).  That is actually kind of important.  Before I go to the place we choose every month, I research the restaurant online.  I have known for years that Chicago Chop House was expensive, but I had also known it to be of fine repute.  I have to tell you, and I blogged about it last month, I was strongly considering cutting Chicago Chop House from the list.  Research had led me to believe that we were going to be pressured, and that the meal was going to be PRICEY.  That's all caps.  That means PRICEY.  Most reviews from "normal" folks like me talked about how good the food was, but they talked about how much the wait staff tried to upsell them, and how much the food cost.  OK.  Let's get it out of the way.  The reviews I read were pretty accurate.  So.  I guess you're done.  Go look at Yelp and you don't need me.  Wait.  Stop.  Finish my review, because I think I've got a little more to say than those reviews.  The place is EXPENSIVE (note the all caps again), the waiters DO (all caps) upsell, and the food is...well....the food is GREAT (all caps again!). 



This is scanned from the free note pad on the table.  Most.Expensive.
Free.Note.Pad.Ever.



I should also tell you that Chicago Chop House has been on my Steakhouse Gift Registry for 15 years.  I've just never had the guts to go.  Given our anniversary, the general down-ish time I've had at work lately and the readers who trust me to write these reviews - Amy and I made the decision that, despite the fact that it was going to be expensive, we were going to go for it.  We're both glad we did.  Mostly. 

Arriving right on time for our 6:30 reservation, we walked through the entry vestibule and into a smallish hallway/stairwell.  As I stated, this place was a brownstone, so behind the host station was a sunken room, which at some time would have been the garden apartment, with a live piano player (yeah, like you want to see a DEAD piano player.  Wait.  I might like to see that.  I digress.) who, at one point, did play "Piano Man."  As I said, there was a stairway right there as well.  Decorated for Halloween, the stairs were adorned with pumpkins on the outside (left side going up - right side coming down).  That detail is important, because it's coming into play later.  We were led to the second of what I understand to be 4 floors in the building.  Coming through the door into our dining area, I was immediately struck by something.  We were not in a "central casting" steakhouse.  The walls are not cream.  The trim is not cherry.  The room is not dark.  The walls are green.  The trim is oak.  The room is well lit.  There are lots of pictures of famous Chicagoans on the walls.  People I've not heard of, people you've not heard of, but famous "fathers" of the city.  The room contained probably about 20 tables, give or take a few.  We were seated very close to the front window, in a small table for 4. 

This was the postcard on the table.  If you look in the lower
right corner you'll see "Adult portions also available."  That's pretty
funny.  I think it is anyway. 

Shortly after being seated, we met our waiter.  His name was Robert.  Robert was good at his job.  Very good at his job.  He was fun to talk to, took the time to explain things to us, tried to talk us out of items...tried to talk us into items (more to come on that later), and just generally pleasant.  Glancing around the table, I noticed a pad of paper and a postcard, both adorned with Chicago Chop House insignias.  I'm a fan of free shit, so of course, those are at home now.  Robert told me that if I filled out the postcard, he'd mail it to us.  I chose not to do that, but that's kind of fun.  Robert informed us that the bartender on this floor was especially adept at taking care of women's drink orders.  Not sure what that was about, but he said it.  Again, I don't drink.  Amy rarely does.  No point in going further on that, and fortunately, Robert didn't push it.  One thing about Chicago Chop House that you should be aware of when you go.  They will "upsell" you at every opportunity.  Every opportunity.  Robert got the message on the drinks. 

We were given our menus and explained the "deal."  So, here it is for you.  Basically, every cut of meat at Chicago Chop House is available one of three ways:  wet aged, dry aged Kobe, or just dry aged.  Wet aged is the cheapest variety.  It's still pricey though.  Amy and I did not select from the wet aged menu, so I can't comment.  All the steaks are USDA Prime, so I imagine that the wet aged steaks are fantastic (am I revealing too much already?).  We were also told about appetizers, specials, etc.  They had a Tuna Sashimi that I was tempted by, but Amy doesn't do raw fish.  Robert also started to explain how he could provide us with a meal that would be relatively affordable, and that would take us on a tour of the menu.  He asked if we wanted to hear about it, and we declined.  It actually sounds kind of cool, but I didn't come to Chicago Chop House to sample.  I came to have a MEAL. 



Amy's Mixed Greens Salad



Amy and I decided upon Crab Cakes for our appetizer, and Robert went to place the order, leaving us alone with the main course to decide.  He also said, "I'm going to bring bread.  Only eat one slice.  You are going to be eating a lot tonight, so DON'T FILL UP ON BREAD."  That Marge Simpson thing apparently never gets old.  We tried the bread.  I ate two slices.  It was a warm Italian bread.  Nothing special, but I do likes me some bread. 

My Wedge Salad.  That Thousand Island dressing is the
best I've ever eaten.

Robert returned a short while later and gave the rundown on the steaks.  He said the dry aged Tomahawk Cut was the best steak he's ever eaten.  He also advised us that if we were thinking Kobe, go for the Filet only.  The other cuts were too flavorful to benefit from the Kobe marbling anyway.  Let's talk Tomahawk.  A Tomahawk Cut is a ribeye with a long, Flintstone-esque rib bone attached to it.  The ribeye portion itself is taken right from the center of the ribs.  There are few places that offer this.  I'm not passing on it.  I also found out that it's aged....75 days.  After my experience at David Burke's....that was a tad....off-putting.  I decided to trust Robert and ordered the Tomahawk, medium rare.  Amy ignored Robert's advice and went with the Kobe....Bone In Ribeye, also medium rare.  We also ordered a baked potato, and we each ordered a salad.  I went with the Chop House Lettuce Wedge, and Amy got the Organic Mixed Greens.  At this point, Robert said, "And for a vegetable?  We have...."  Steakhouses are A la Carte.  So...asking about vegetables is....upselling.  "No thanks, salads will be good enough." was our reply. 

Among the discussions with Robert was a talk about the steak knives.  He commented that Chicago Chop House steaks were so tender that they didn't need serrated knives with their name on the side (Gibsons, Mortons, Chicago Cut, Benny's, etc.).  A simple butter knife with a sharpened edge was good enough.  OK.  I'm calling shenanigans here.  Yes, it was most assuredly a non-serrated knife.  BUT, the idea that it was a simple butter knife with a sharpened edge is short selling it.  It looked like a straight razor.  Definitely not as sharp as a razor, but it was NOT a simple butter knife with an edge.  I will also say that it did not have a great big honking handle on it.  So, while it was closer to a butter knife....it wasn't.

The Crab Cake.  A little too perfectly shaped.  The sauce was tasty.

Robert also told us that we needed to start thinking about dessert, and that he'd be around during the meal to order that.  He told us that Baked Alaska was the special of the evening, a Dulce de Leche ice cream, meringue, and chocolate cake all combined in a dish.  Amy and I had pretty much decided upon that when we heard about it.

 

Holy crap.  This is long, and I haven't even talked about the food.  I'll do this quick.  The Crab Cakes were underwhelming.  Mostly breading, there was not much "crab" in there.  They also were entirely too well formed.  They appeared to be "Crab Cakes" that you'd buy in bulk in a box.  Not good. 

The salads.  My salad was delicious.  Topped with some thick cut bacon strips, my little head of lettuce was drenched with an absolutely magnificent Thousand Island dressing.  The head of lettuce itself reminded me of "Audrey II" in the film version the first time it opened its mouth to Seymour.  You've seen that movie, right?  Amy's salad was also delicious to her.  It had a Raspberry Vinaigrette dressing, and was adorned with berries.  Good for her. 

The potato.  OK.  This potato was cooked to perfection.  Super flaky, super tender, just super. Amy's portion came with more of the bacon strips like I had on my salad.  Super duper baked potato.  And for ten bucks....it had better be.

Earlier I referred to the pumpkins on the side of the stairs.  Here's where this comes into effect.  At some point in the meal, I felt the need to use the...uh, euphemism.  What?  You haven't seen that movie either?  Man.  I'm gonna have to slow down on the cultural references.  Anyway, on my way down the stairs, I ran into a group of a thousand (actually more like 10 I think...) coming up the stairs.  So.  I got to wait.  Until every damned one of them cleared.  About 7 people in, a guy said "excuse us."  I couldn't help myself.  My natural smart-ass comes out at times.  This was one of those times.  I was good natured about saying, "Really, what choice do I have at this point?"  I don't think he was expecting a response.  Like I said, I can't help myself.  Anyway, after they cleared, I went into the bathroom.  You know all those previous reviews I've written and always glowed about the bathrooms?  Not at the Chop House.  The bathrooms are pedestrian at best, gas station-like at worst.  The men's room was adorned with pictures of Hollywood starlets from the 30's and 40's (I recognized about 6 of them....), and just generally....a bathroom.  Bad fixtures, bad yellow paint.  Let's just say this about the Chop House.  Infrastructure ain't its strong suit. 



The new champion.  The Dry-Aged Tomahawk at Chicago
Chop House.  Exquisite.



On to the steak.  OK friends, if you reread my review of Gibsons, you will find me over the top about my steak.  You have to remember that was number 3 in the countdown, and I swooned over it.  Having eaten a lot of great steak since, I can safely report that the blush is off the rose in that regard.  Gibsons was still the best, but it was not that much superior to a bunch of other places.  No more. 

The new and reigning champion is the Tomahawk Steak at Chicago Chop House.  Expertly cooked to a delicious medium rare, the steak came to the table looking every bit like a bronto-rib.  Charred lightly on the outside, there was no fat streak running through the middle of it, just a slight one around the perimeter.  Springy to the fork, it looked inviting.  Using my "sharpened butter knife," I dug into it.  Oddly, it cut easily.  How about that?  I've learned through this process that I'm definitely a wet-aged guy.  I just am.  Dry aging has a flavor that I find too gamey.  I like salt.  Wet-aged steaks seem to allow salt to flavor them, dry-aged don't seem to change with the addition of salt.  Anyway.  My steak was magnificent.  It suffered from NONE of the qualities that dry aging imbues, nor was it as off-flavored as my 75 day steak at Primehouse.  It was a perfect red hue on the inside, and required precious little salt.  That's not to say that I didn't "insult the chef" as my mother used to say, but I didn't use a lot of salt.  I, like I had previously at Gibsons, decided that the side dishes needed to be eaten all at once, because I was NOT going to interfere with the steak flavor by eating other things simultaneously.  So, after one bite, I shoved down the balance of my potato, and finished the small amount of salad I had left.  The steak was sublime.  Velvety, tender, and goddamned flavorful.  I hit a home run listening to Robert's advice. 

Amy's steak.  Very good.  Not exquisite.

Amy, however, did not.  Because....she didn't listen to Robert's advice.  Amy's steak looked magnificent as well.  I'm getting ahead of things.  Amy's steak was good.  It wasn't, however, transcendent.  At the price, it should have been.  BUT.  Amy was warned.  Amy's steak was very tender, as you'd expect with Kobe beef.  It was also gamey, as you'd expect with dry-aged beef.  In fact, her steak tasted gamier than mine.  That's not a good thing.  It was a ribeye.  It was flavorful.  It was tender.  It was juicy.  It just wasn't superior.  I think if you asked Amy she'd either go with the Tomahawk or the Kobe Bone In Filet (following Robert's advice) if we go back to the Chop House.  After we win several lotteries, that is. 

About 5 minutes into our steaks, Robert came around to talk about dessert.  Despite my two slices of bread, I was fairly certain that after our meals I'd still have room for dessert.   Like I said, we had decided upon the Baked Alaska already.  I can't resist anything "Dulce de Leche," given my past with a certain gambler named Obadiah and his date in Havana, Sister Sarah.  WHAT?  You don't know that movie either?  Shit.  I really need to educate you folks.  Oh wait.  I guess I am.  By the way.  All these movies I've referenced today are shows I've performed in at some point in my life.  So.  There. 

Baked Alaska.  Not as big as the state, but a fine dessert.

The Baked Alaska was absolutely delicious.  Light, ice cream-y, chocolate-y.  It was a nice compliment to our meal.  It should be noted that I ordered coffee with the dessert.  Robert asked, "Cappuccino instead?"  Upselling.  Right to the last minute.  I can see why it bothers people.  I was expecting it, and have encountered it elsewhere, so I was OK with it, but that one stung just a little. 

Finishing our desserts, it was time to leave.  Only thing to do was settle up the check on a very enjoyable evening at a fine restaurant with my fine wife celebrating our fine marriage.   We did.  And I never have to go back there again (see below). 

Nuts and bolts.

Price.  I have talked about how much these places cost as a service to you.  I'm not trying to say anything else with it.  This time, it's obnoxious.  Our meal was...with no alcohol....including tip....$385.  That's not a typo.  That's a car payment.  And then some.  This is where this review hits a snag.  I loved our meal.  It was not worth the money.  While I've not had a better steak, I've had better evenings, etc.  For $99 per steak...well...know what?  $99 a steak is too much.  Period. 

Bathrooms, and the overall ambiance is utilitarian.  Nice enough, but the place is about the food.   Perhaps it's too much about the food. 

I'm glad I went.  I'm glad I don't have to go again.  It's a status symbol.  I'm not that big into them.  I like quality, and I will pay for it.  But I don't need status.  Adding a dinner to things that can be "bragged about" seems silly.

That's it.  This is the first positive negative review I think I've written.  Loved the food.  Wish I could have left with my shorts.  This is also the longest I've taken to write one of these.  This one was a bitch.  Thanks for your patience. 

NEXT MONTH:  Wildfire -  with guests.   Our guests next month will be blogger Matt in the Middle and his lovely wife, Cha Cha.  I imagine we will have some hot blog on blog action.

Anniversary dinner.  Smiles all around.